Post by Roan on Jul 5, 2006 15:22:43 GMT -5
OOC:I wasnt going to post this post, it is a very touchy subject. I wrote it down at Nationals, I was lonely, and missing a lot of people and just felt really depressed, and took it out on Roan. Yes, this post is an attempted suicide by Roan, you need to ask before entering. I dont give a crap how touchy this is anymore though.
BIC:
The doors to the Dueling Hall opened so slowly, letting one person enter. As she had predicted, the Hall was empty, stone cold silence prevailing. Even shades were drawn over the windows to prevent any of the morning's light from shining in. The only rays came from the torches hanging in brackets on the walls. That was good for Roan, there were rarely moments in these passing days that the girl spend in the grace of sunlight. She walked slowly into the room, letting the doors clack shut behind her. Two small figures were following the Hufflepuff, two pairs of worried black eyes were trained on their mother. Walking on either side of the slow moving girl, there was a terrifying look in their eyes, one of a great feare. They were there to mae sure nothing happened to the Prefect, to guard her. Not from an external enemy like Fenris Fenrir, but from herself. To guide her. So that the darkness and doubt that was plainly apparent in the girl wouldnt prevail. One look at the dragons was enough to tell something was wrong. Another look at their mother was enough to confirm that without a doubt.
It was as if the girl was walking to her death. Her normally firey hazel eyes were red from weeping, and haunted and weary. Roan hadnt even bothered to change into robes for this morning stroll, was still in a black tanktop and yellow pajama pants from sleeping. What she did remember was hanging at her waist. There was a belt, with two sheaths on it. One was empty, and would normally bear her wand. The other held a long dagger with a well made blade and handle, something the Hufflepuff had began to wear a long time ago. Her brown locks were falling about her shoulders and down her back, slight waves and curl to it. She went barefoot on the cold stone, as she made her way to the center of the room. Aiden and Song walked cautionsly beside her. Each step was heavy, as if it was difficult to move for the girl. Roan ppeared to be on the brink of tears or a great breakdown. Bad things tended to happen when the girl had a breakdown, people got hurt, and she knew that. It was the reason when she felt it coming on she came to the Dueling Hall as not to burn down all of the Hufflepuff Dorms. The room was made for duels, and high amounts of magic. So if she had any fire outbursts, she wouldnt harm anyone. That was the last thing that Roan wanted, she had done enough harm already.
Finally she had gone too far to manage, and the Prefect slumped to the floor. Song and Aiden darted in and braced her on either side to keep the girl from falling sideways. She didnt even notice their presence, everything was gone to her. It was just too much for Roan lately, way too much. Since regaining her memories she was torn between two very different worlds and two very different beings. One was a firey, angry girl who had an attraction to battle and justice. She was furious and vengeful, with a heart that was as quick to stir as it was to enrage. The other was a more peaceful and kind world, where she was understanding. She had friends in that world, she was normal in that world. Thatwas the world she wanted to belong to, but couldnt. Her fire didnt allow that. Her fire. Roan didnt have to search too far to find that. It was ever prseent inside of her, a blazing inferno that fed not on oxygen but on her hate and rage. It was smoky and shadowy, and rose without behing called. It was like that fire was another being, struggling to take over. Two entities, two lives, fighting to take over one body, and Roan was torn painfully between the two. She couldnt sleep without flashes of her past battles floating before her eyes, always filled with fire, burning, raging. It never left her be, enough that the girl was deprived of the rest that she so yearned and needed. She had began to wonder if she would be forever condemed to that torment. Her memories returning were what pulled the trigger of a gun to the mess that she had now. But where would the bullet land?
In long and lonely nights, Roan had been forced to think. The girl had been crying and wanted her friends nearby to talk to. But what friends did she really have to seek out? That was a very painful realization. She had sat up in bed that night, and began to search her mind as her eyes stared at the ground for anyone she could call a friend. Someone who cared about her and who she cared about, someone who had a mutual understanding, someone that she hadnt just recieved help from, but had helped. It was like trying to get orange juice out of a lemon though, a very hopeless task.
The first one to come to mind was Rezna, but that idea was shot down as quickly as it had come. How much pain had she caused to Rezna? The girl had come to rescue her, risk her life, after Roan had lost control of her fire in Fenrir's Wood. Rezna could have died that day by the Great Lycan, and it would have been Roan's fault. She couldnt count Rezna as a friend, not after all of that. The next one to come to mind was Sylph, but that was also no more then a fleeting thought. She had treated the purple-haired girl very wrong ever since she had met her. Sylph was always trying to help her whenever she was in danger, always there to lend a hand or to save her if need be. After incidents happened with Roan, Sylph came to see her. When she was too broken down to look after Aiden or Song, Sylph would take them and watch over them and Storm until Roan could handle them again. Had she ever helped Sylph? Too many wrongs had been done there. Her fellow Prefect, Forgoil, also came to mind, but was removed just as the others had been. That fight in the Hospital Wing came very vividly to mind, and she remembered how she had hurt him. Did a true friend hurt someone like that? No. And Forgoil had been the one to find her after Syrus's torment. She hadnt repayed him. Muryllis came to mind, but she hadnt done him any good either. She hadnt even seen him for a long time, and had continued to challenge him. Nobody! Had she been a friend to anyone at all? There was a second painful realization, one that was sharp and deep in the girl's heart.
What good had she done. None.
Roan had felt anguish after that, total anguish. She was worthless in this world. Alone. How could she run to anyone in her time of need when she did it far too much already? Roan had no-one to hold her as she cried or to comfort her, not when she was too much of a coward to go and ask for help right now. People could save her from the physical danger, but they couldnt save a heart that was breaking. She was doing so much bad in the world right now, causing so much harm it was unbelievable, and no good to make up for it. There was no point in seeking justice if justice is never found. There was no point in wanting revenge when revenge would not satisfy. After a few days of loneliness eating at her, Roan wanted to just throw up her hands and give in. What good was she doing? Who was she helping? Why was she living? No good answers came to mind, none to justify her life. It was that morning she had those thoughts, and felt the fire stir in her body. By that moment she had made her decision and buckled the knife on her belt, and headed for the Dueling Hall, where she could be alone for this. Alone to do the duty she felt she owed to her school. Sitting there in the middle of the hall, Roan drew the blade hanging out at her side, and gazed down into the shining metal, her own scared reflection staring back at her. She had to do this, for the sae of those people around her. She was always putting them into danger, and with the coming war, she couldnt afford that. If any of them got hurt on her behalf, she wouldnt be able to bear it. No, this had to be done.
Roan glanced down at each of the dragons, patting them on the head for a moment with her free hand. They were like her children literally, and were supposed to help defend the school. In her hands, with her guidance, they had caused harm as well. Hopefully with a new light to shine the way they would be better off. "I'm sorry guys, and I love you. Take care of the others for me when Im gone, make sure nothing more happens to them." They both looked at her, confused and worried. They had very humans emotions and minds, but couldnt grasp this. What was going on? Without warning though, Roan wrapped both hands over the hilt of the knife, her fingers shaking slightly, and plunged it into her stomach. Her scream echoed in the hall as she did so, vibrating against the stone. Both dragons panicked and reached forward with their jaws and clamped onto her wrists hard, only to let go because of something shocking to them.
Because of the pain and panic of the situation, Roan lost control of her fire within her, not enough time to say the words to make it recede. As the blade entered deep into her flesh, her fire powers erupted through their channel, her hands, right into the dagger she was holding now by the hilt. It erupted, melting the blade of the dagger, down to the inside of her body, leaving it liquid and molten, charring the well-made hilt beyond recognition. A double flame proved to be her curse once again, a single one wouldnt have done so much harm. Roan screamed again as blood flowed from the wound, tears leaking from her eyes. This wasnt what she expected at all, and she had been stabbed many times before. It was a white hot fury that left her upright for only a few moments before she slumped on her side, hazel eyes closing. The fire stopped, and her hands left the hilt, the wire from it burned into her palms in the intricate design. She was bleeding slowly, the crimson liquid mixing with the liquid metal on the ground. Roan was still awake, only major things like the removal of a limb would take her from the world of the conscious due to pain. This death would be slow, and she would feel every moment of it.
Aiden and Song would not have that though. They had let go of her wrists, and watched as she fell. Without any warning, Aiden shot off, screeching to find help anywhere. Being found out now was no matter, Roan was always trying to protect them from exposure. If the entire school found out about the dragons, he didnt care. As long as the Prefect lived. Song slid herself under Roan's arm to provide comfort, and the Prefect let a shaky and trembling hand rest on her stoney hide. Song nuzzled her nose under Roan's chin, cooing as she did so. Both creatures knew she was dieing, it was in their nature, and wanted to stop that. Sweat was beading on her forehead, and her fever was beginning to rise. The girl was in immense pain, not only physical, but emotional as well. The kind that someone goes through when they feel they dont have a right or reason to live. She was lonely, even with Song there. She wanted someone by her side, but she didnt have one. Roan was scared, it couldnt be seen in her pained face that was paling. Her whole body shook, that dagger was determined to do its work. Finally she spoke, quietly, but enough. Her hand stroked the black dragon who was obviously crying now along with her mother. "Please dont leave me Song, stay with me until this is all over."
OOC: I repeat, you must ask permission before entering. Good day folks
BIC:
Burn on Brighter
Little Flame
Shine Your Light
Show no Shame
Little Flame
Shine Your Light
Show no Shame
The doors to the Dueling Hall opened so slowly, letting one person enter. As she had predicted, the Hall was empty, stone cold silence prevailing. Even shades were drawn over the windows to prevent any of the morning's light from shining in. The only rays came from the torches hanging in brackets on the walls. That was good for Roan, there were rarely moments in these passing days that the girl spend in the grace of sunlight. She walked slowly into the room, letting the doors clack shut behind her. Two small figures were following the Hufflepuff, two pairs of worried black eyes were trained on their mother. Walking on either side of the slow moving girl, there was a terrifying look in their eyes, one of a great feare. They were there to mae sure nothing happened to the Prefect, to guard her. Not from an external enemy like Fenris Fenrir, but from herself. To guide her. So that the darkness and doubt that was plainly apparent in the girl wouldnt prevail. One look at the dragons was enough to tell something was wrong. Another look at their mother was enough to confirm that without a doubt.
It was as if the girl was walking to her death. Her normally firey hazel eyes were red from weeping, and haunted and weary. Roan hadnt even bothered to change into robes for this morning stroll, was still in a black tanktop and yellow pajama pants from sleeping. What she did remember was hanging at her waist. There was a belt, with two sheaths on it. One was empty, and would normally bear her wand. The other held a long dagger with a well made blade and handle, something the Hufflepuff had began to wear a long time ago. Her brown locks were falling about her shoulders and down her back, slight waves and curl to it. She went barefoot on the cold stone, as she made her way to the center of the room. Aiden and Song walked cautionsly beside her. Each step was heavy, as if it was difficult to move for the girl. Roan ppeared to be on the brink of tears or a great breakdown. Bad things tended to happen when the girl had a breakdown, people got hurt, and she knew that. It was the reason when she felt it coming on she came to the Dueling Hall as not to burn down all of the Hufflepuff Dorms. The room was made for duels, and high amounts of magic. So if she had any fire outbursts, she wouldnt harm anyone. That was the last thing that Roan wanted, she had done enough harm already.
Finally she had gone too far to manage, and the Prefect slumped to the floor. Song and Aiden darted in and braced her on either side to keep the girl from falling sideways. She didnt even notice their presence, everything was gone to her. It was just too much for Roan lately, way too much. Since regaining her memories she was torn between two very different worlds and two very different beings. One was a firey, angry girl who had an attraction to battle and justice. She was furious and vengeful, with a heart that was as quick to stir as it was to enrage. The other was a more peaceful and kind world, where she was understanding. She had friends in that world, she was normal in that world. Thatwas the world she wanted to belong to, but couldnt. Her fire didnt allow that. Her fire. Roan didnt have to search too far to find that. It was ever prseent inside of her, a blazing inferno that fed not on oxygen but on her hate and rage. It was smoky and shadowy, and rose without behing called. It was like that fire was another being, struggling to take over. Two entities, two lives, fighting to take over one body, and Roan was torn painfully between the two. She couldnt sleep without flashes of her past battles floating before her eyes, always filled with fire, burning, raging. It never left her be, enough that the girl was deprived of the rest that she so yearned and needed. She had began to wonder if she would be forever condemed to that torment. Her memories returning were what pulled the trigger of a gun to the mess that she had now. But where would the bullet land?
In long and lonely nights, Roan had been forced to think. The girl had been crying and wanted her friends nearby to talk to. But what friends did she really have to seek out? That was a very painful realization. She had sat up in bed that night, and began to search her mind as her eyes stared at the ground for anyone she could call a friend. Someone who cared about her and who she cared about, someone who had a mutual understanding, someone that she hadnt just recieved help from, but had helped. It was like trying to get orange juice out of a lemon though, a very hopeless task.
The first one to come to mind was Rezna, but that idea was shot down as quickly as it had come. How much pain had she caused to Rezna? The girl had come to rescue her, risk her life, after Roan had lost control of her fire in Fenrir's Wood. Rezna could have died that day by the Great Lycan, and it would have been Roan's fault. She couldnt count Rezna as a friend, not after all of that. The next one to come to mind was Sylph, but that was also no more then a fleeting thought. She had treated the purple-haired girl very wrong ever since she had met her. Sylph was always trying to help her whenever she was in danger, always there to lend a hand or to save her if need be. After incidents happened with Roan, Sylph came to see her. When she was too broken down to look after Aiden or Song, Sylph would take them and watch over them and Storm until Roan could handle them again. Had she ever helped Sylph? Too many wrongs had been done there. Her fellow Prefect, Forgoil, also came to mind, but was removed just as the others had been. That fight in the Hospital Wing came very vividly to mind, and she remembered how she had hurt him. Did a true friend hurt someone like that? No. And Forgoil had been the one to find her after Syrus's torment. She hadnt repayed him. Muryllis came to mind, but she hadnt done him any good either. She hadnt even seen him for a long time, and had continued to challenge him. Nobody! Had she been a friend to anyone at all? There was a second painful realization, one that was sharp and deep in the girl's heart.
Consuming all
thats in your sight
with a heart
thats black as night
thats in your sight
with a heart
thats black as night
What good had she done. None.
Roan had felt anguish after that, total anguish. She was worthless in this world. Alone. How could she run to anyone in her time of need when she did it far too much already? Roan had no-one to hold her as she cried or to comfort her, not when she was too much of a coward to go and ask for help right now. People could save her from the physical danger, but they couldnt save a heart that was breaking. She was doing so much bad in the world right now, causing so much harm it was unbelievable, and no good to make up for it. There was no point in seeking justice if justice is never found. There was no point in wanting revenge when revenge would not satisfy. After a few days of loneliness eating at her, Roan wanted to just throw up her hands and give in. What good was she doing? Who was she helping? Why was she living? No good answers came to mind, none to justify her life. It was that morning she had those thoughts, and felt the fire stir in her body. By that moment she had made her decision and buckled the knife on her belt, and headed for the Dueling Hall, where she could be alone for this. Alone to do the duty she felt she owed to her school. Sitting there in the middle of the hall, Roan drew the blade hanging out at her side, and gazed down into the shining metal, her own scared reflection staring back at her. She had to do this, for the sae of those people around her. She was always putting them into danger, and with the coming war, she couldnt afford that. If any of them got hurt on her behalf, she wouldnt be able to bear it. No, this had to be done.
Roan glanced down at each of the dragons, patting them on the head for a moment with her free hand. They were like her children literally, and were supposed to help defend the school. In her hands, with her guidance, they had caused harm as well. Hopefully with a new light to shine the way they would be better off. "I'm sorry guys, and I love you. Take care of the others for me when Im gone, make sure nothing more happens to them." They both looked at her, confused and worried. They had very humans emotions and minds, but couldnt grasp this. What was going on? Without warning though, Roan wrapped both hands over the hilt of the knife, her fingers shaking slightly, and plunged it into her stomach. Her scream echoed in the hall as she did so, vibrating against the stone. Both dragons panicked and reached forward with their jaws and clamped onto her wrists hard, only to let go because of something shocking to them.
Because of the pain and panic of the situation, Roan lost control of her fire within her, not enough time to say the words to make it recede. As the blade entered deep into her flesh, her fire powers erupted through their channel, her hands, right into the dagger she was holding now by the hilt. It erupted, melting the blade of the dagger, down to the inside of her body, leaving it liquid and molten, charring the well-made hilt beyond recognition. A double flame proved to be her curse once again, a single one wouldnt have done so much harm. Roan screamed again as blood flowed from the wound, tears leaking from her eyes. This wasnt what she expected at all, and she had been stabbed many times before. It was a white hot fury that left her upright for only a few moments before she slumped on her side, hazel eyes closing. The fire stopped, and her hands left the hilt, the wire from it burned into her palms in the intricate design. She was bleeding slowly, the crimson liquid mixing with the liquid metal on the ground. Roan was still awake, only major things like the removal of a limb would take her from the world of the conscious due to pain. This death would be slow, and she would feel every moment of it.
Aiden and Song would not have that though. They had let go of her wrists, and watched as she fell. Without any warning, Aiden shot off, screeching to find help anywhere. Being found out now was no matter, Roan was always trying to protect them from exposure. If the entire school found out about the dragons, he didnt care. As long as the Prefect lived. Song slid herself under Roan's arm to provide comfort, and the Prefect let a shaky and trembling hand rest on her stoney hide. Song nuzzled her nose under Roan's chin, cooing as she did so. Both creatures knew she was dieing, it was in their nature, and wanted to stop that. Sweat was beading on her forehead, and her fever was beginning to rise. The girl was in immense pain, not only physical, but emotional as well. The kind that someone goes through when they feel they dont have a right or reason to live. She was lonely, even with Song there. She wanted someone by her side, but she didnt have one. Roan was scared, it couldnt be seen in her pained face that was paling. Her whole body shook, that dagger was determined to do its work. Finally she spoke, quietly, but enough. Her hand stroked the black dragon who was obviously crying now along with her mother. "Please dont leave me Song, stay with me until this is all over."
Fires burn
and fires die
a fleeting moment
then goodbye
and fires die
a fleeting moment
then goodbye
OOC: I repeat, you must ask permission before entering. Good day folks