Post by Talon Windwaltz on Oct 29, 2010 12:11:38 GMT -5
Inspired by Ashelle, I wrote this Power Rangers Fanfiction on MSN while talking to Sparky. I cut out his comments and just left it as it is on MSN. He found it amusing so I hope you do too! I won't be surprised if you don't though it's pretty lame.
"Alpha, Rita has summoned a giant caterpillar to destroy Angel Grove! Summon the Power Rangers!"
The Power Rangers in their real identities, Tommy, Jason, Zack, Kimberly, and Trini, were hanging out at the diner having milk shakes.
"So dude I totally know you could've won the Kung Fu Contest yesterday," Jason said to Zack.
"Hey, where's Billy?" Kimberly suddenly interjected.
"Oh, he didn't have any money to come with us. The current recession, you know," Jason said, shrugging.
"Yeah, I miss the nineties," said Tommy, "we used to be cool, then."
"Yeah, and Zordon hasn't called us for work in years," said Trini, having died some time in the 90s in a tragic car accident.
"I guess after Lord Zedd lost his job, Rita had to stop the evil take over scheme and actually get a job," said Zack.
"It's hard though," said Jason, and they all solemnly agreed.
"Good thing I graduated from Harvard with a 4.0," said Trini, the stereotypical Asian, "and got a job working for a computer software company that pays me 100k a year."
"Lucky you, Trini! Rubbing it in everyone's faces!" laughed Zack, who worked at Taco Bell trying to support his three daughters.
"Hey guys," said Kimberly, giggling, "remember that one time we had to talk Billy down from suicide because he was a nerd in high school and always thought he was going to become rich and famous someday but then couldn't get the loans to go to college and ended up working at Taco Bell with Zack?"
"Oh yeah!" they all laughed together
"Wow, life sure sucks!" remarked Tommy, and they all agreed.
Suddenly the door blew open
and in walked Bulk and Skull
both had joined the army after high school, encouraged by the heroism of the Power Rangers
however, they were dishonorably discharged shortly after being found together in a passionate embrace
Ever since, Bulk and Skull have been campaigning for the legalization of gay marriage as well as the fall of Don't Ask, Don't Tell
they are also rich because Bulk runs a successful gay bar in Angel Grove
"Hey dudes!" Bulk said, his arm around Skull, "What's going on?"
"Hey!" Kimberly said smilling, "come and sit down with us, we're getting milkshakes!"
Jason and Zack were noticeably uncomfortable, but Trini shot them a look.
"So uh, how's the uh...business coming along?" Zack offered, though he too was obviously uncomfortable.
"Oh pretty good," said Skull, and cast Bulk a loving look. "You guys should come by sometime."
Suddenly, Bulk's phone rang!
"Yeah what's -" he said, but was interrupted by screaming on the other side
"Mr. Bulk! There's a giant caterpillar eating the gay bar!"
said his assistant, Mr. Friendly
"A giant caterpillar?" He responded, surprised
Tommy looked to his friends, "Alright, we got to get to work."
"Where are you guys going?" asked Skull, but they'd already left
"Alright gang!" said Jason, "It's m-"
"Wait!" said Kimberly, and they all turned to look at her.
"What?" asked Jason, peeved that he was interrupted for once
"We need Billy here,"
said Kimberly.
"Fuck Billy!" said Zack, "ever since we talked him down from suicide he's been nothing but dragging his feet when it came to anything we do!"
"That's not very nice!" said Kimberly, upset.
"Zack's right, Kim," said Tommy, "We just gotta move on from him."
"So, are we ready now?" said Jason, and everyone nodded.
"Kimberly?" he said, because Kimberly had refused to nod.
A moment passed.
"KIMBERLY!" shouted Jason, "Are we ready or -not-? That caterpillar's not going to wait!"
"Y-yeah..." she said, but there was clear hesitation in her voice.
"Then, IT'S MORPHING TIME!"
"TIGERZORD!" shouted Tommy.
"MASTADON!" shouted Zack.
"PTERODACTYL!" shouted Kimberly.
"SABER-TOOTH TIGER!" shouted Trini.
"TYRANNOSAURUS!" shouted Jason, bringing up the rear.
From the Command Center stampeded the five Zords, heading towards their masters.
each of the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, now in tight suits and helmets, jumped into their Zords
suddenly, everything seemed much more like it was made in Japan than in America
'BOKU WA REDDO RENJAA!' shouted Jason, but then cleared his throat.
'Guys,' Kimberly interjected.
'What is it NOW, Kimberly?' said Jason, clearly peeved.
'We can't form the Megazord without Billy,' she said, this time serious.
'FOR THE LAST TIME, KIM,' said Tommy, supporting Jason, 'WE DON'T NEED BILLY!'
'LET'S DO THIS!' Zack said encouragingly, 'because I got to get to work in like an hour and a half, and I can't lose this job.'
suddenly, Alpha appeared on their monitors
'Power Rangers!' he said, 'oh good, you already know about the caterpillar'
'We're on our way, Alpha!' said Jason, determination in his voice.
'Wait a minute, the Triceratops hasn't been dispatched,' said Alpha. 'Where is Billy?'
'He's not COMING, Alpha! So shut up!' Jason shouted, and he turned off the screen in his Tyrannozord
the Power Rangers and their Zords came upon the Giant Caterpillar eating Bulk and Skull's gay bar
'He's eating it like a leaf!' shouted Zack.
'Come on guys, let's fight~!' shouted Jason, and they began to do Kung Fu moves against the Giant Caterpillar.
The Giant Caterpillar shot a clear webbing at them, and managed to wrap the Mastodon in it.
'Guys, I'm all wrapped up!' Zack said, and they all laughed at his pun
'Hold on Zack!' shouted Trini, and her sabertooth tiger cut through Zack's webbing
'Oh thank goodness!' Zack shouted, but not before the Giant Caterpillar body slammed both of them.
'That's uncool!' shouted Tommy, and he charged his Tigerzord at the Giant Caterpillar, leaping onto it.
'Not helping!' shouted Zack, the pressure from both the Zord and the Caterpillar weighing down on him.
'Oh sorry, man!' shouted Tommy, his Zord's fangs tearing into the Giant Caterpillar's tender back.
The Giant Caterpillar gave out a great wail of some sort, and ejected a green slime on the Mastodon and the Saber-Tooth Tiger
'Ahhh!' shrieked Trini, 'it's melting through the metal!'
'Don't worry guys!' shouted Kimberly, flying in from above
Tommy jumped off and allowed Kimberly to push the Caterpillar off the others
'Yeah!' said Zack, 'you do it Kim!'
Kimberly shot down non-nuclear missiles at the Caterpillar
it caused a great deal of damage, but none of it was nuclear
the people on the streets cheered as the Power Rangers saved the day
The Caterpillar, on the other hand, wasn't finished yet
it struggled back up
'NOT SO FAST!' shouted Jason, his moment of glory having come.'
'It's time to show you what we can do!'
Jason charged towards the Giant Caterpillar and did Kung Fu moves
and finally, having beaten the Giant Caterpillar down
ejected fire breath from his robot's mouth's flamethrower
the Caterpillar was cooked, the Power Rangers had won.
'Yeah!' they cheered simultaneously, and the people below joined them.
meanwhile, back at Rita's Evil Lair
'You said it was supposed to beat them!' cried Rita, bawling and pulling at her hair.
'Your evilness, I -' said Finster, but he was quickly interrupted.
'I've been working three jobs a DAY for the past FIFTEEN YEARS'
shouted Rita, still crying.
'I put aside evil, defeating those power punks, to humiliate myself working at CHUCK E. CHEESE!'
'Now that I finally have enough money to finance another one of your evil monsters, YOU LET THEM DESTROY IT?' she cried.
Lord Zedd walked over to her and comforted her, 'It's okay, Rita, we'll work harder next time.'
'I'm tired of working hard, Zeddy!' said Rita, tears in her eyes, 'It's been so long. We've worked so hard. Why can't we rule the world like we should?'
'Your evilness...' said Finster, but Rita still cut him off.
'And you! Why can't you do a THING?' Rita yelled, 'You haven't even gotten a job! You need ME to get you the money to make these monsters!'
'You can make GIANT MONSTERS! Don't you have a degree in biology to get into medical science or something? Why don't YOU finance this?' she shrieked.
'The Obama Administration's health care program is making it more difficult for doctors to get paid good money for their work,' Finster said, 'but aside from that -'
'Of course!' said Rita, and she wrung her hands, 'First those Power Punks stop us from ruling the world, now the Democrats!'
'If I wasn't getting taxed so much on the hard money I make at Chuck E. Cheese, I would've destroyed them twice over by now!'
'Your EVILNESS -' said Finster, but Rita gave him a glare.
'What is it?' said Lord Zedd finally, 'What are you trying to tell us?'
'Your Evilness, this was part of my -plan-,' said Finster, and an evil glee came to him.
'What?' said Rita, now curious.
'You think I would send a Giant -Caterpillar- to destroy the world?' he said, giving her a leading look.
'You...you mean...?'
Rita said, her hopes lifting.
'Oh yes,' said Finster, and they all began to laugh menacingly.
'Alright guys,' said Zack, 'I gotta get to work.'
'Alright see ya later Zack,' said Jason, and everyone else said their goodbyes.
But just as Zack was leaving, the earth began to rumble.
'Wh-what was that?' said Kimberly, and then gave out a shriek.
The Caterpillar was shedding its skin.
'Aw HELL no,' said Zack, 'I CANNOT lose this job.'
The Caterpillar gave out a huge roar, and a GIANT MOTH BURST FROM WITHIN
'I've got this!' said Kimberly, and flew at it, firing her non-nuclear missiles at it.
The missiles hit the Giant Moth, but did absolutely nothing.
'Oh...oh gosh no,' said Kimberly.
The Giant Moth began to destroy buildings, and the people screamed as WTC seemed like nothing all at once.
the Fire Department, coming out to save people, were crushed by falling debris.
'Oh, oh my god,' said Trini, 'this is horrifying!'
'Let me try!' shouted Tommy, charging his Tigerzord at the Moth.
With a flick of its wing, Tommy was sent flying into another building
killing hundreds.
'Oh my God!' shouted Zack, 'That's fucked up!'
everyone gave him a look.
'I mean, that's...that's...not right.'
'Alright, my turn! That moth can't resist my fire breath AGAIN!'
shouted Jason, releasing his fire breath on the Moth.
Though the fire made the Moth's wings a little crispy, it gave itself a little shake and seemed perfectly fine.
So the Moth began to destroy more buildings
'Guys,' said Zack, 'I think...I think we need Billy now.'
'NO!' shouted Jason, 'We can do this on our own!'
He charged at the Moth, but Zack's Mastodon blocked the way.
'No way man, we ARE getting Billy. I have work in like forty five minutes and I haven't even taken a shower yet,' said Zack indignantly.
'Not to mention,' said Trini, 'the countless people who are being murdered right now and the architectural damage that will take decades to fix.'
'GET OUT OF MY WAY, ZACK!' shouted Jason, and pushed Zack out of the way.
He charged at the Moth, but the Moth flicked its wing again and toppled the Tyrannozord over.
'What's WRONG with you, dude?' said Zack.
'I...I...' stuttered Jason, and there was a mixture of anger and sadness in his voice.
'Bro,' said Tommy, 'I think we need Billy.'
'But Tommy!' shouted Jason, his voice strained.
'I know, I know,' said Tommy, 'but we gotta look past it now.'
'Wait, what?' said Kimberly, but nobody responded to her query.
Jason turned his monitor on.
'Alpha, get Billy out here,' said Jason.
'Alright sir right away! Ay-ay-ay you shoulda gotten him out here earlier!' shouted Alpha.
Billy was sleeping in his bed, his curtains drawn shut.
His blankets were covered in black and white stains, the prior most likely from the myriad of beer cans on the floor attracting insects.
His TV remained on, tuned to a static covered porn station.
Suddenly, Billy's Morphin-watch began to beep.
Billy snorted, and turned from his sleep to notice it. 'Wha?' he said, not recognizing the sound of his morphin-watch.
'Aw fuck,' he said, and scratched his ass.
He reached over to his bedside table with the same hand to grab his glasses, but accidentally knocked them over along with his anti-depressants.
'Fuck!' he shouted again, and rolled over to grab them.
He put them on, and shook his head. He had one hell of a hangover. He could hardly remember what he was doing last night. A bra left on the floor indicated that he had not been alone.
Climbing out of bed, he walked over to his morphin wrist-watch and turned it on.
'Ay-ay-ay Billy!' said Alpha, 'There's a GIANT MOTH attacking Angel Grove and the other Rangers need you!'
'Ay-ay-ay Alpha,' said Billy, 'I have one hell of a hangover and do not have time for this shit.'
and he turned his wrist-watch off.
It wasn't that he didn't want to save the town - then again, why the fuck would he care about the town anyway.
He was just waiting to die.
Not to mention -Jason-
the guy had been up his ass for years ever since he'd fucked his sister and got her pregnant.
the drama that followed - along with her abortion and Jason's right wing beliefs - made it hard for them to save the world together anymore.
Billy stumbled over towards his fridge.
He knew the best cure for a hangover was more alcohol, so he cracked open another cold one and went to town.
Taking a seat in his black leather chair - also covered in white stains - his morphin-watch began to beep again.
Despite what the other Power Rangers had said about him not getting that loan and his life having gone to shit, it wasn't that that made Billy the way he was now.
He used to be a good kid, got good grades, was kind of naive, but it had been Jason - and Tommy too, to some extent - that had gotten him more confident and strong.
He owed his new strength to his friends in the Power Rangers, and he knew that no matter what happened, he'd always be there for them.
But he wasn't ready for the day that he murdered Goldar.
He'd just wanted to beat the guy in another one of their endless fights, and Goldar seemed to be able to survive anything.
Being catapulted into space, shrunk down and stepped on, beaten him up ten times in a row.
But when Billy's Tricerotops speared him through the heart...Goldar couldn't survive that.
Billy could never forget the look on Goldar's face - shock, horror, and sadness - when he realized that he was going to die.
And it was all Billy's fault.
The other Rangers thought it a victory - Goldar would never trouble them again - but Billy knew...he knew that he had taken a life.
He couldn't live with himself after that.
He'd fucked himself in a cold numb for years, drinking beer to forget it, the doctor prescribed him with anti-depressants.
None of it really did the trick. His life was irredeemably shitty. The only kind of shitty that a murderer's life could be.
What if he killed someone else again, working as a Power Ranger?
Finally, he decided to go turn his power-watch off completely.
But, by some kind of fate, or grace of God, the power watch was turned on by accident.
'Hey Billy,' said a voice. It was Jason.
'I know we don't get along anymore,' he said, 'and I still don't like you. Hell man I fucking hate you. And I know you hate me.'
'But you can't let more people die, man.'
'And there are so many people, there are so many people out here dying.'
'And if you don't get out here...we're gonna die too.'
'Please Billy, please come out here.'
Billy stared at his watch for a moment. And then turned it off.
"He turned it off," said Jason, and the others were still in horror.
They were all hanging from the space needle in Angel Grove.
Hung upside down by the Moth's sticky webbing.
It was only a matter of time before the sticky webbing eventually gave out, and they all plummeted to their deaths.
'Well guys, it's been fun,' said Zack, 'And I guess I don't have to worry about that job no more.'
'What about your daughters?' said Kimberly, but she suddenly felt that maybe that hadn't been the right thing to say.
'I...I just hope they'll know that Daddy worked real hard for them,' said Zack, 'and they'll grow up into beautiful young women like their Mom.'
'Wow guys,' said Trini, 'I never thought it would end like this.'
'Well,' said Tommy, 'at least you didn't die in a tragic car accident in the 90s.'
'Not cool man,' said Trini.
Jason, however, was silent.
He couldn't believe that Billy was going to abandon them now. He knew he was a dick: he'd ruined his family, he took no responsbility for himself, but...he still remembered that kid from high school. The one who'd been so confident even through it all.
The webbing began to snap
'Here we go!' said Tommy, 'It's been nice knowing you guys!'
Then, suddenly, their power-watches beeped.
'FORM THE MEGAZORD!' shouted Billy in his tight suit and helmet, charging towards them in the Triceratops.
'Yeah!' they shouted triumphantly.
Jason smiled.
Billy and Trini formed the right and legs respectively, Jason formed the body, and Kimberly became the Head.
the Tigerzord then became its own giant human form, to compliment the Megazord.
'Alright guys!' said Jason, now sitting in the center of the Megazord Control Station.
'Let's take out this giant moth, guys!' said Kimberly.
'For...for the Power Rangers,' said Billy, smiling.
'FOR THE POWER RANGERS!' they shouted together.
'Ay-ay-ay, this is exciting!' shouted Alpha on the monitor.
The Megazord and the Tigerzord approached the Giant Moth as it was eating a mound of people caught together in its sticking webbing.
Its giant mandibles caught a man and woman and spat acid on them, melting their skin and hair down to a nutritious mold
'Hey you!' shouted Jason, and the Giant Moth turned to face them.
'What!?' said Rita Repulsa, 'They weren't supposed to form the Megazord! What's going on Finster?'
Finster, however, had run away.
In his place was a Note of Resignation - he was gonna try being a doctor from now on.
'We can still win!' said Lord Zedd. 'Rita, use your staff!'
'But it's already giant, Zeddy -'
'MAKE IT BIGGER!'
Rita appeared on the top of the building the Moth was near.
'RITA!' shouted the Power Rangers.
'Hey there Power Punks! Not gonna stick around long, but'
'MAGIC STAFF!'
'MAKE MY MONSTER GROOOOOOOOW'
the Giant Moth then became a GIANT-GIANT MOTH
TWICE THE SIZE OF THE MEGAZORD
'oh god no,' said Billy
having flashbacks to Goldar - who was giantsized when he killed him.
'Billy, you gotta pull through this, man,' said Tommy, and Billy took a deep breath and nodded.
The Megazord charged at the Giant-Giant Moth and began to attack it, but the Giant-Giant Moth merely flew away.
'How are we supposed to beat it?' said Kimberly, 'I can't get out of the Megazord to fly after it, and the Megazord can't fly on its own.'
'HIYAAAA!' shouted Tommy, as he hurled his Tigerzord through the air to jump on the Giant-Giant Moth's back
he missed, however, and collided into the building where the people in the mound of webbing were
killing all of them
'That didn't work!' said Jason, and the others gave him a look.
'Hold on guys, I have a plan!' said Kimberly, and one of the arms released a GIANT CANNON
'FIRE!'
the Giant Cannon, however, was easily dodged by the Moth.
'Alright, this isn't working,' said Kimberly.
'I think...I think I have a plan.'
said Billy.
'What?' said Jason.
'Moths are...attracted to light.'
'Tommy!' Billy shouted, 'Get on top of the Space Needle!'
Tommy did as Billy said, climbing the Space Needle and getting to the roof.
The building began to crack beneath him. Fortunately, there was no one inside.
'Now turn on your lights!' shouted Billy, which Tommy also did.
Suddenly, the Giant Moth began to fly around the Space Needle, and finally landed on it, twitching its legs.
'KIM! SHOOT YOUR GIANT CANNON!' shouted Billy, 'TOMMY, WHEN IT FIRES, JUMP OFF!'
'Yes sir!' shouted Kimberly, grinning, and she fired her giant cannon.
Tommy jumped off the Space Needle just in time, as the landmark building was completely destroyed by the giant cannon blast - and the Moth with it.
'YES!' shouted the Power Rangers, and Tommy gave them a thumbs up with the Tigerzord.
'Way to go, Billy,' said Kimberly, and Billy smiled shyly.
'Yeah Billy that was -awesome-!' said Trini, patting her comrade on the back.
a moment of silence passed as Billy and Jason passed glances at one another.
'Z-Zack,' said Jason, 'Don't you have to get to work?'
'Dawg, I was just kidding,' said Zack laughing.
'I got off today, else I wouldn't have gone to have lunch with you guys anyway!'
Kimberly, Trini, and Tommy laughed
but Jason remained quiet.
'Well then I guess we're done, huh?' said Jason, finally, breaking the silence.
'Yeah,' said Billy.
'Man guys,' said Trini, 'that was so much fun! It was so good to fight evil with you guys again!'
'Yeah, I just hope we DON'T get to do it anytime soon,' said Zack.
they all laughed.
Meanwhile, Rita Repulsa and Lord Zedd were left in their cell.
'I...I...' said Rita, tears building in her eyes, 'I CAN'T STAND IT!'
'I CAN'T STAND THOSE POWER PUNKS!'
'THEY RUIN -EVERYTHING-! EVERYTHING! ALWAYS!'
'TEN THOUSAND YEARS I WAITED TO CONQUER EARTH! AND THEN EVERYDAY FOR FIFTEEN YEARS, HUMILIATING MYSELF WITH HARD WORK!'
'AND NOW, NOW...GRRAAAH!!!!'
'Honey,' said Zedd, 'why don't we retire?'
'WHAT?' said Rita, but Zedd's expression was caring.
'I think it's about time we just find a place in Capri and settle down, you know, the two of us. We don't have to conquer Earth...we have each other.'
Rita's expression turned gentle, her eyes wide, 'You really mean that, Zeddy?'
'Of course,' said Zedd, and he and his wife shared a passionate kiss.
Suddenly, they turned human!
'Zedd, ten thousand years...and you broke my curse.'
'And you broke mine,' he said, and they held each other.
The six rangers stood together on the sidewalk.
'Well then, I guess this is it,' said Tommy, 'see you guys around I guess.'
'Next week?' said Kimberly hopefully.
'Nah man I got work -all week long-,' said Zack, 'maybe the week after that?'
'Oh I'm free next week but not the week after that,' said Trini, annoyed.
'Well tell you what,' said Jason, 'we can just call each other. I mean, what's the use of having these power-watches if we don't keep in touch?'
'Sounds good,' said Kim, and smiled.
Billy, however, was beginning to stumble away.
'Hey Billy,' said Jason, and Billy stopped.
A moment passed, and Billy finally turned.
'Yeah?'
'Keep in touch, alright? I know you don't got a job but...I'll pay for you next time.'
'It was...good seeing you again.'
Billy grinned, 'Yeah Jason, that'd be cool. Thanks.'
Jason saluted, and Billy went his seperate way.
Thus, the Power Rangers were reunited, and Evil was vanquished once and for all.
The End.
DERP!
"Alpha, Rita has summoned a giant caterpillar to destroy Angel Grove! Summon the Power Rangers!"
The Power Rangers in their real identities, Tommy, Jason, Zack, Kimberly, and Trini, were hanging out at the diner having milk shakes.
"So dude I totally know you could've won the Kung Fu Contest yesterday," Jason said to Zack.
"Hey, where's Billy?" Kimberly suddenly interjected.
"Oh, he didn't have any money to come with us. The current recession, you know," Jason said, shrugging.
"Yeah, I miss the nineties," said Tommy, "we used to be cool, then."
"Yeah, and Zordon hasn't called us for work in years," said Trini, having died some time in the 90s in a tragic car accident.
"I guess after Lord Zedd lost his job, Rita had to stop the evil take over scheme and actually get a job," said Zack.
"It's hard though," said Jason, and they all solemnly agreed.
"Good thing I graduated from Harvard with a 4.0," said Trini, the stereotypical Asian, "and got a job working for a computer software company that pays me 100k a year."
"Lucky you, Trini! Rubbing it in everyone's faces!" laughed Zack, who worked at Taco Bell trying to support his three daughters.
"Hey guys," said Kimberly, giggling, "remember that one time we had to talk Billy down from suicide because he was a nerd in high school and always thought he was going to become rich and famous someday but then couldn't get the loans to go to college and ended up working at Taco Bell with Zack?"
"Oh yeah!" they all laughed together
"Wow, life sure sucks!" remarked Tommy, and they all agreed.
Suddenly the door blew open
and in walked Bulk and Skull
both had joined the army after high school, encouraged by the heroism of the Power Rangers
however, they were dishonorably discharged shortly after being found together in a passionate embrace
Ever since, Bulk and Skull have been campaigning for the legalization of gay marriage as well as the fall of Don't Ask, Don't Tell
they are also rich because Bulk runs a successful gay bar in Angel Grove
"Hey dudes!" Bulk said, his arm around Skull, "What's going on?"
"Hey!" Kimberly said smilling, "come and sit down with us, we're getting milkshakes!"
Jason and Zack were noticeably uncomfortable, but Trini shot them a look.
"So uh, how's the uh...business coming along?" Zack offered, though he too was obviously uncomfortable.
"Oh pretty good," said Skull, and cast Bulk a loving look. "You guys should come by sometime."
Suddenly, Bulk's phone rang!
"Yeah what's -" he said, but was interrupted by screaming on the other side
"Mr. Bulk! There's a giant caterpillar eating the gay bar!"
said his assistant, Mr. Friendly
"A giant caterpillar?" He responded, surprised
Tommy looked to his friends, "Alright, we got to get to work."
"Where are you guys going?" asked Skull, but they'd already left
"Alright gang!" said Jason, "It's m-"
"Wait!" said Kimberly, and they all turned to look at her.
"What?" asked Jason, peeved that he was interrupted for once
"We need Billy here,"
said Kimberly.
"Fuck Billy!" said Zack, "ever since we talked him down from suicide he's been nothing but dragging his feet when it came to anything we do!"
"That's not very nice!" said Kimberly, upset.
"Zack's right, Kim," said Tommy, "We just gotta move on from him."
"So, are we ready now?" said Jason, and everyone nodded.
"Kimberly?" he said, because Kimberly had refused to nod.
A moment passed.
"KIMBERLY!" shouted Jason, "Are we ready or -not-? That caterpillar's not going to wait!"
"Y-yeah..." she said, but there was clear hesitation in her voice.
"Then, IT'S MORPHING TIME!"
"TIGERZORD!" shouted Tommy.
"MASTADON!" shouted Zack.
"PTERODACTYL!" shouted Kimberly.
"SABER-TOOTH TIGER!" shouted Trini.
"TYRANNOSAURUS!" shouted Jason, bringing up the rear.
From the Command Center stampeded the five Zords, heading towards their masters.
each of the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, now in tight suits and helmets, jumped into their Zords
suddenly, everything seemed much more like it was made in Japan than in America
'BOKU WA REDDO RENJAA!' shouted Jason, but then cleared his throat.
'Guys,' Kimberly interjected.
'What is it NOW, Kimberly?' said Jason, clearly peeved.
'We can't form the Megazord without Billy,' she said, this time serious.
'FOR THE LAST TIME, KIM,' said Tommy, supporting Jason, 'WE DON'T NEED BILLY!'
'LET'S DO THIS!' Zack said encouragingly, 'because I got to get to work in like an hour and a half, and I can't lose this job.'
suddenly, Alpha appeared on their monitors
'Power Rangers!' he said, 'oh good, you already know about the caterpillar'
'We're on our way, Alpha!' said Jason, determination in his voice.
'Wait a minute, the Triceratops hasn't been dispatched,' said Alpha. 'Where is Billy?'
'He's not COMING, Alpha! So shut up!' Jason shouted, and he turned off the screen in his Tyrannozord
the Power Rangers and their Zords came upon the Giant Caterpillar eating Bulk and Skull's gay bar
'He's eating it like a leaf!' shouted Zack.
'Come on guys, let's fight~!' shouted Jason, and they began to do Kung Fu moves against the Giant Caterpillar.
The Giant Caterpillar shot a clear webbing at them, and managed to wrap the Mastodon in it.
'Guys, I'm all wrapped up!' Zack said, and they all laughed at his pun
'Hold on Zack!' shouted Trini, and her sabertooth tiger cut through Zack's webbing
'Oh thank goodness!' Zack shouted, but not before the Giant Caterpillar body slammed both of them.
'That's uncool!' shouted Tommy, and he charged his Tigerzord at the Giant Caterpillar, leaping onto it.
'Not helping!' shouted Zack, the pressure from both the Zord and the Caterpillar weighing down on him.
'Oh sorry, man!' shouted Tommy, his Zord's fangs tearing into the Giant Caterpillar's tender back.
The Giant Caterpillar gave out a great wail of some sort, and ejected a green slime on the Mastodon and the Saber-Tooth Tiger
'Ahhh!' shrieked Trini, 'it's melting through the metal!'
'Don't worry guys!' shouted Kimberly, flying in from above
Tommy jumped off and allowed Kimberly to push the Caterpillar off the others
'Yeah!' said Zack, 'you do it Kim!'
Kimberly shot down non-nuclear missiles at the Caterpillar
it caused a great deal of damage, but none of it was nuclear
the people on the streets cheered as the Power Rangers saved the day
The Caterpillar, on the other hand, wasn't finished yet
it struggled back up
'NOT SO FAST!' shouted Jason, his moment of glory having come.'
'It's time to show you what we can do!'
Jason charged towards the Giant Caterpillar and did Kung Fu moves
and finally, having beaten the Giant Caterpillar down
ejected fire breath from his robot's mouth's flamethrower
the Caterpillar was cooked, the Power Rangers had won.
'Yeah!' they cheered simultaneously, and the people below joined them.
meanwhile, back at Rita's Evil Lair
'You said it was supposed to beat them!' cried Rita, bawling and pulling at her hair.
'Your evilness, I -' said Finster, but he was quickly interrupted.
'I've been working three jobs a DAY for the past FIFTEEN YEARS'
shouted Rita, still crying.
'I put aside evil, defeating those power punks, to humiliate myself working at CHUCK E. CHEESE!'
'Now that I finally have enough money to finance another one of your evil monsters, YOU LET THEM DESTROY IT?' she cried.
Lord Zedd walked over to her and comforted her, 'It's okay, Rita, we'll work harder next time.'
'I'm tired of working hard, Zeddy!' said Rita, tears in her eyes, 'It's been so long. We've worked so hard. Why can't we rule the world like we should?'
'Your evilness...' said Finster, but Rita still cut him off.
'And you! Why can't you do a THING?' Rita yelled, 'You haven't even gotten a job! You need ME to get you the money to make these monsters!'
'You can make GIANT MONSTERS! Don't you have a degree in biology to get into medical science or something? Why don't YOU finance this?' she shrieked.
'The Obama Administration's health care program is making it more difficult for doctors to get paid good money for their work,' Finster said, 'but aside from that -'
'Of course!' said Rita, and she wrung her hands, 'First those Power Punks stop us from ruling the world, now the Democrats!'
'If I wasn't getting taxed so much on the hard money I make at Chuck E. Cheese, I would've destroyed them twice over by now!'
'Your EVILNESS -' said Finster, but Rita gave him a glare.
'What is it?' said Lord Zedd finally, 'What are you trying to tell us?'
'Your Evilness, this was part of my -plan-,' said Finster, and an evil glee came to him.
'What?' said Rita, now curious.
'You think I would send a Giant -Caterpillar- to destroy the world?' he said, giving her a leading look.
'You...you mean...?'
Rita said, her hopes lifting.
'Oh yes,' said Finster, and they all began to laugh menacingly.
'Alright guys,' said Zack, 'I gotta get to work.'
'Alright see ya later Zack,' said Jason, and everyone else said their goodbyes.
But just as Zack was leaving, the earth began to rumble.
'Wh-what was that?' said Kimberly, and then gave out a shriek.
The Caterpillar was shedding its skin.
'Aw HELL no,' said Zack, 'I CANNOT lose this job.'
The Caterpillar gave out a huge roar, and a GIANT MOTH BURST FROM WITHIN
'I've got this!' said Kimberly, and flew at it, firing her non-nuclear missiles at it.
The missiles hit the Giant Moth, but did absolutely nothing.
'Oh...oh gosh no,' said Kimberly.
The Giant Moth began to destroy buildings, and the people screamed as WTC seemed like nothing all at once.
the Fire Department, coming out to save people, were crushed by falling debris.
'Oh, oh my god,' said Trini, 'this is horrifying!'
'Let me try!' shouted Tommy, charging his Tigerzord at the Moth.
With a flick of its wing, Tommy was sent flying into another building
killing hundreds.
'Oh my God!' shouted Zack, 'That's fucked up!'
everyone gave him a look.
'I mean, that's...that's...not right.'
'Alright, my turn! That moth can't resist my fire breath AGAIN!'
shouted Jason, releasing his fire breath on the Moth.
Though the fire made the Moth's wings a little crispy, it gave itself a little shake and seemed perfectly fine.
So the Moth began to destroy more buildings
'Guys,' said Zack, 'I think...I think we need Billy now.'
'NO!' shouted Jason, 'We can do this on our own!'
He charged at the Moth, but Zack's Mastodon blocked the way.
'No way man, we ARE getting Billy. I have work in like forty five minutes and I haven't even taken a shower yet,' said Zack indignantly.
'Not to mention,' said Trini, 'the countless people who are being murdered right now and the architectural damage that will take decades to fix.'
'GET OUT OF MY WAY, ZACK!' shouted Jason, and pushed Zack out of the way.
He charged at the Moth, but the Moth flicked its wing again and toppled the Tyrannozord over.
'What's WRONG with you, dude?' said Zack.
'I...I...' stuttered Jason, and there was a mixture of anger and sadness in his voice.
'Bro,' said Tommy, 'I think we need Billy.'
'But Tommy!' shouted Jason, his voice strained.
'I know, I know,' said Tommy, 'but we gotta look past it now.'
'Wait, what?' said Kimberly, but nobody responded to her query.
Jason turned his monitor on.
'Alpha, get Billy out here,' said Jason.
'Alright sir right away! Ay-ay-ay you shoulda gotten him out here earlier!' shouted Alpha.
Billy was sleeping in his bed, his curtains drawn shut.
His blankets were covered in black and white stains, the prior most likely from the myriad of beer cans on the floor attracting insects.
His TV remained on, tuned to a static covered porn station.
Suddenly, Billy's Morphin-watch began to beep.
Billy snorted, and turned from his sleep to notice it. 'Wha?' he said, not recognizing the sound of his morphin-watch.
'Aw fuck,' he said, and scratched his ass.
He reached over to his bedside table with the same hand to grab his glasses, but accidentally knocked them over along with his anti-depressants.
'Fuck!' he shouted again, and rolled over to grab them.
He put them on, and shook his head. He had one hell of a hangover. He could hardly remember what he was doing last night. A bra left on the floor indicated that he had not been alone.
Climbing out of bed, he walked over to his morphin wrist-watch and turned it on.
'Ay-ay-ay Billy!' said Alpha, 'There's a GIANT MOTH attacking Angel Grove and the other Rangers need you!'
'Ay-ay-ay Alpha,' said Billy, 'I have one hell of a hangover and do not have time for this shit.'
and he turned his wrist-watch off.
It wasn't that he didn't want to save the town - then again, why the fuck would he care about the town anyway.
He was just waiting to die.
Not to mention -Jason-
the guy had been up his ass for years ever since he'd fucked his sister and got her pregnant.
the drama that followed - along with her abortion and Jason's right wing beliefs - made it hard for them to save the world together anymore.
Billy stumbled over towards his fridge.
He knew the best cure for a hangover was more alcohol, so he cracked open another cold one and went to town.
Taking a seat in his black leather chair - also covered in white stains - his morphin-watch began to beep again.
Despite what the other Power Rangers had said about him not getting that loan and his life having gone to shit, it wasn't that that made Billy the way he was now.
He used to be a good kid, got good grades, was kind of naive, but it had been Jason - and Tommy too, to some extent - that had gotten him more confident and strong.
He owed his new strength to his friends in the Power Rangers, and he knew that no matter what happened, he'd always be there for them.
But he wasn't ready for the day that he murdered Goldar.
He'd just wanted to beat the guy in another one of their endless fights, and Goldar seemed to be able to survive anything.
Being catapulted into space, shrunk down and stepped on, beaten him up ten times in a row.
But when Billy's Tricerotops speared him through the heart...Goldar couldn't survive that.
Billy could never forget the look on Goldar's face - shock, horror, and sadness - when he realized that he was going to die.
And it was all Billy's fault.
The other Rangers thought it a victory - Goldar would never trouble them again - but Billy knew...he knew that he had taken a life.
He couldn't live with himself after that.
He'd fucked himself in a cold numb for years, drinking beer to forget it, the doctor prescribed him with anti-depressants.
None of it really did the trick. His life was irredeemably shitty. The only kind of shitty that a murderer's life could be.
What if he killed someone else again, working as a Power Ranger?
Finally, he decided to go turn his power-watch off completely.
But, by some kind of fate, or grace of God, the power watch was turned on by accident.
'Hey Billy,' said a voice. It was Jason.
'I know we don't get along anymore,' he said, 'and I still don't like you. Hell man I fucking hate you. And I know you hate me.'
'But you can't let more people die, man.'
'And there are so many people, there are so many people out here dying.'
'And if you don't get out here...we're gonna die too.'
'Please Billy, please come out here.'
Billy stared at his watch for a moment. And then turned it off.
"He turned it off," said Jason, and the others were still in horror.
They were all hanging from the space needle in Angel Grove.
Hung upside down by the Moth's sticky webbing.
It was only a matter of time before the sticky webbing eventually gave out, and they all plummeted to their deaths.
'Well guys, it's been fun,' said Zack, 'And I guess I don't have to worry about that job no more.'
'What about your daughters?' said Kimberly, but she suddenly felt that maybe that hadn't been the right thing to say.
'I...I just hope they'll know that Daddy worked real hard for them,' said Zack, 'and they'll grow up into beautiful young women like their Mom.'
'Wow guys,' said Trini, 'I never thought it would end like this.'
'Well,' said Tommy, 'at least you didn't die in a tragic car accident in the 90s.'
'Not cool man,' said Trini.
Jason, however, was silent.
He couldn't believe that Billy was going to abandon them now. He knew he was a dick: he'd ruined his family, he took no responsbility for himself, but...he still remembered that kid from high school. The one who'd been so confident even through it all.
The webbing began to snap
'Here we go!' said Tommy, 'It's been nice knowing you guys!'
Then, suddenly, their power-watches beeped.
'FORM THE MEGAZORD!' shouted Billy in his tight suit and helmet, charging towards them in the Triceratops.
'Yeah!' they shouted triumphantly.
Jason smiled.
Billy and Trini formed the right and legs respectively, Jason formed the body, and Kimberly became the Head.
the Tigerzord then became its own giant human form, to compliment the Megazord.
'Alright guys!' said Jason, now sitting in the center of the Megazord Control Station.
'Let's take out this giant moth, guys!' said Kimberly.
'For...for the Power Rangers,' said Billy, smiling.
'FOR THE POWER RANGERS!' they shouted together.
'Ay-ay-ay, this is exciting!' shouted Alpha on the monitor.
The Megazord and the Tigerzord approached the Giant Moth as it was eating a mound of people caught together in its sticking webbing.
Its giant mandibles caught a man and woman and spat acid on them, melting their skin and hair down to a nutritious mold
'Hey you!' shouted Jason, and the Giant Moth turned to face them.
'What!?' said Rita Repulsa, 'They weren't supposed to form the Megazord! What's going on Finster?'
Finster, however, had run away.
In his place was a Note of Resignation - he was gonna try being a doctor from now on.
'We can still win!' said Lord Zedd. 'Rita, use your staff!'
'But it's already giant, Zeddy -'
'MAKE IT BIGGER!'
Rita appeared on the top of the building the Moth was near.
'RITA!' shouted the Power Rangers.
'Hey there Power Punks! Not gonna stick around long, but'
'MAGIC STAFF!'
'MAKE MY MONSTER GROOOOOOOOW'
the Giant Moth then became a GIANT-GIANT MOTH
TWICE THE SIZE OF THE MEGAZORD
'oh god no,' said Billy
having flashbacks to Goldar - who was giantsized when he killed him.
'Billy, you gotta pull through this, man,' said Tommy, and Billy took a deep breath and nodded.
The Megazord charged at the Giant-Giant Moth and began to attack it, but the Giant-Giant Moth merely flew away.
'How are we supposed to beat it?' said Kimberly, 'I can't get out of the Megazord to fly after it, and the Megazord can't fly on its own.'
'HIYAAAA!' shouted Tommy, as he hurled his Tigerzord through the air to jump on the Giant-Giant Moth's back
he missed, however, and collided into the building where the people in the mound of webbing were
killing all of them
'That didn't work!' said Jason, and the others gave him a look.
'Hold on guys, I have a plan!' said Kimberly, and one of the arms released a GIANT CANNON
'FIRE!'
the Giant Cannon, however, was easily dodged by the Moth.
'Alright, this isn't working,' said Kimberly.
'I think...I think I have a plan.'
said Billy.
'What?' said Jason.
'Moths are...attracted to light.'
'Tommy!' Billy shouted, 'Get on top of the Space Needle!'
Tommy did as Billy said, climbing the Space Needle and getting to the roof.
The building began to crack beneath him. Fortunately, there was no one inside.
'Now turn on your lights!' shouted Billy, which Tommy also did.
Suddenly, the Giant Moth began to fly around the Space Needle, and finally landed on it, twitching its legs.
'KIM! SHOOT YOUR GIANT CANNON!' shouted Billy, 'TOMMY, WHEN IT FIRES, JUMP OFF!'
'Yes sir!' shouted Kimberly, grinning, and she fired her giant cannon.
Tommy jumped off the Space Needle just in time, as the landmark building was completely destroyed by the giant cannon blast - and the Moth with it.
'YES!' shouted the Power Rangers, and Tommy gave them a thumbs up with the Tigerzord.
'Way to go, Billy,' said Kimberly, and Billy smiled shyly.
'Yeah Billy that was -awesome-!' said Trini, patting her comrade on the back.
a moment of silence passed as Billy and Jason passed glances at one another.
'Z-Zack,' said Jason, 'Don't you have to get to work?'
'Dawg, I was just kidding,' said Zack laughing.
'I got off today, else I wouldn't have gone to have lunch with you guys anyway!'
Kimberly, Trini, and Tommy laughed
but Jason remained quiet.
'Well then I guess we're done, huh?' said Jason, finally, breaking the silence.
'Yeah,' said Billy.
'Man guys,' said Trini, 'that was so much fun! It was so good to fight evil with you guys again!'
'Yeah, I just hope we DON'T get to do it anytime soon,' said Zack.
they all laughed.
Meanwhile, Rita Repulsa and Lord Zedd were left in their cell.
'I...I...' said Rita, tears building in her eyes, 'I CAN'T STAND IT!'
'I CAN'T STAND THOSE POWER PUNKS!'
'THEY RUIN -EVERYTHING-! EVERYTHING! ALWAYS!'
'TEN THOUSAND YEARS I WAITED TO CONQUER EARTH! AND THEN EVERYDAY FOR FIFTEEN YEARS, HUMILIATING MYSELF WITH HARD WORK!'
'AND NOW, NOW...GRRAAAH!!!!'
'Honey,' said Zedd, 'why don't we retire?'
'WHAT?' said Rita, but Zedd's expression was caring.
'I think it's about time we just find a place in Capri and settle down, you know, the two of us. We don't have to conquer Earth...we have each other.'
Rita's expression turned gentle, her eyes wide, 'You really mean that, Zeddy?'
'Of course,' said Zedd, and he and his wife shared a passionate kiss.
Suddenly, they turned human!
'Zedd, ten thousand years...and you broke my curse.'
'And you broke mine,' he said, and they held each other.
The six rangers stood together on the sidewalk.
'Well then, I guess this is it,' said Tommy, 'see you guys around I guess.'
'Next week?' said Kimberly hopefully.
'Nah man I got work -all week long-,' said Zack, 'maybe the week after that?'
'Oh I'm free next week but not the week after that,' said Trini, annoyed.
'Well tell you what,' said Jason, 'we can just call each other. I mean, what's the use of having these power-watches if we don't keep in touch?'
'Sounds good,' said Kim, and smiled.
Billy, however, was beginning to stumble away.
'Hey Billy,' said Jason, and Billy stopped.
A moment passed, and Billy finally turned.
'Yeah?'
'Keep in touch, alright? I know you don't got a job but...I'll pay for you next time.'
'It was...good seeing you again.'
Billy grinned, 'Yeah Jason, that'd be cool. Thanks.'
Jason saluted, and Billy went his seperate way.
Thus, the Power Rangers were reunited, and Evil was vanquished once and for all.
The End.
DERP!