Torn from within the still-beating heart of the mythical Gigantic-Ass Monster of Huyhun'Jar'kaka'ffff''''''''ppm, this most sacred story of sacredness is one of the first known works of fine literature in human history. Behold, The Legendary Chronicles of Ungodly Freaking Awesomeness Smeared in Testosterone, Jizz, and Oxytocin, About the Apocalyptic Legendary WAR of the TRILLION BURNING VAGINAS of HELL
The following is the Prelude of TLCoUFASiT,J,aO,AtALWotTBVoH
8===D~~
It was almost Christmas, and he really should have been out or singing carols, or trying to find presents, or participating in at least a little of that holiday bullshit, but instead he was here at the graveyard, hopping from tombstone to tombstone like some gigantic crazy cat.
He spied a particularly large headstone and bounded atop it, surveying the land below him. Damn, he was high up. Hands on hips, he called out his victory:
"I'm king of the woooorld!"
Gasp, but what if someone came to usurp his claim? The lycan went into fight mode, eyes narrow and gold and flicking every which way, fists clenched and held tightly at his sides.
If they did, he'd be ready.
ooc: first post to tha supa kawaii mury-san ^____^;;
(( OOC: Since this is a kid-friendly site COUGH COUGH FEFAG AND UMM WILLOW AND CEALLA OH AND SPARKY COUGH WHEEZE, "derogatory terms" will be censored in dialogue. Since nobody gives a flying fuck that this is a kid-friendly site, the rest of the prose will remain uncensored. Poetry is gay, though, so that shit's gonna get bleeped the fuck out of this century. ))
Muryllis, the school's powerful defender and former powerful sworn enemy, had had enough of all this bullshit. Instead of banging Roan with a Greek(tm) brand wizarding condom (get it cuz the Trojans didn't get into Troy lol the Greeks did) or even just experimenting with magic in a renewed attempt to make himself even more unrealistically powerful, the man decided to visit the Crypt. Because, like, that's totally what mentally unstable arcanists do when they're coping with post-apocalyptic stress.
Wait, seriously? The Crypt? What retard thought up going to the crypt??
And there he was. A smelly, disgusting man jumping around like the smelly, disgusting man he was. Orca, the meanest meanie this side of the Rhine. The baddest baddie. The worst of the worst. When shit started flying, this was the asshole who poured baby diarrhea into a potato gun and added gasoline to that little chamber thing where you're supposed to spray your mom's hair spray.
As the Brits call it, he was a bloody wanker. And Mury, our former contender for Great Lord of the Dark, thought said bloody wanker was looking at him wrong.
"You there," he called, stepping out of the shadows into more shadows, since it was nighttime, and, technically speaking, everything at night is in the shadows if there's no light out.
And there was no light out. The moon had peaced when it heard who was in town.
And the moon wasn't concerned about Orca. After all, he was just a bloody wanker.
No, the moon called in sick because of Mury. Because the former contender for Great Lord of the Dark had pulled his dusty mittensboxing gloves wand out. Which wasn't even his, since his old wand got roasted or something and he'd yet to get a new one. No, it wasn't his.
The restored contender for Great Lord of the Dark had stolen it. Yes, what better way to kick off his return to fame than by looting the body of some dead guy and taking his wand? Yes, how perfectly evil. How perfectly dark.
"You! Yeah, you! The one with the pants! I ain't seen you around here before, but I sure done heard 'bout you. You're that bl**dy wan**r who's always shitting on shitstorms!! Fiend, your days are numbered!"
Little did Orca know, when Mury said 'days,' he had actually meant 'minutes.' And when he meant 'minutes,' he actually meant 'quarter-minutes.'
"But before I kill you," he continued, pulling out his wand - only to discover it was actually a metanitrocatalyzer gun set on "pulse" - "I want to know why the hell you came to the Crypt. I mean, that's so fucking g*y. What are you, a fucking shit-dicked h***sexua*?!"
Whatever, screw speeches and random questions nobody really ever needs to know the answer to. He took the metanitrocatalyzer gun, set it to "fuck that homofag shit UP!1," and proceeded to vaporize Orca shoot it in such a way that it would vaporize whatever that faggot was standing on if he managed to jump out of the way before the beam of homofag-killing death slammed him in the face at light speed.
Boy, did our favorite Muryfish love being ridiculously overpowered =)
Last Edit: Dec 24, 2009 21:08:12 GMT -5 by Mury 6.0
Just as he knew would happen eventually, some fag stepped out of nowhere and started talking crazy shit. Orca was set to just ignore the dude when he saw the wand.
I mean gun.
Thing.
Of course Orca leapt out of the way in time, seeing as how he was not a weak human or Phugs. He rolled soon as he hit the ground, and came up smiling brightly.
"Cool story bro," he said in response to the crazy dude's last question, and chucked a tombstone his way. In case that one got vaporized or dodged somehow, he threw another.
Then he dived to one side and hid behind some gigantic statue thing that probably took years to make and was probably going to get destroyed in the next two seconds.
Orca obviously cheated because it's impossible to dodge something hitting you from close range at the speed of light, but whatever. Mury could work with that. It was pretty fucking gay, but he could work with it.
But it was still pretty fucking gay.
Vaporizing the first tombstone and dodging the second, the contender for Great Lord of the Dark walked very slowly from that point on. It was a show of strength. If you're sure no furfag can hit you with flying tombstones, you walk slowly. Awesome people do that. Sorry, 'did' that - I need to pay attention to uniform verb tense more.
"You'll never get away with this, asswipe! My daddy works for Mossad, and my mommy's a Hamas suicide bomber. I'll get Muggle shit so far up your fa**ot ass that you won't fucking be able to stand, let alone fit your unc*e."
He then realized he didn't have a daddy in Mossad or a mommy in Hamas. Actually, both were hard-working individuals living humbly in Rome. But Orca didn't need to know that. Show of force, Mury.. just show them how big your fat, throbbing cock is, and you've got them by the balls. Oh man, what an awesome pun.
Mury stopped for a second to write it down for later reference.
Then he set the metanitrocatalyzer gun to "Baby Chucker 3000 X," the new setting in this model of metanitrocatalyzer gun. It gave him the ability to see into the future.
In the future, he saw Orca running behind some gigantic statue and it getting destroyed two and a half seconds from the present moment, which became the present moment after he had gathered the valuable intel he needed to make his next move.
Setting the metanitrocatalyzer to "stun," Mury put on a Stormtrooper mask and started shooting the statue. Two and a half seconds later, the statue's little marble penis fell off, effectively rendering it 'destroyed' if any art buff were to come by. Since art buffs are nuts for balls. Oh man, another awesome penis pun. And there's some excellent alliteration! And some more!
He paused briefly to take notes. This being a forum-based roleplay, that meant Orca had enough time to go back home, take a huge shit, get some coffee, take another huge (though possibly wet) shit, smear it on his nipples, rub one out, smear that on his nipples, shower, and come back.
Or so he thought. So Orca thought, I mean. Little did he know, Mury was actually the Nobel Prize-winning creator of Pam-Pam, the world's most efficient system of shorthand.
Before the little marble penis could even come to rest on the dirt around the statue, Mury shot it again with the metanitrocatalyzer gun, which, again, had been set to "stun." It chipped a bit. Mury pulled off his Stormtrooper mask.
"That's what I'm gonna do to your little fudg**ack*ng cock, you fucking ho*o! Come out with your thumbs inside your asshole!" Taking aim, the Justiciar made ready for a new shot - at the statue's right nipple.
Last Edit: Dec 24, 2009 21:44:56 GMT -5 by Mury 6.0
Mury was doing shit to the statue. Orca peeked out to see what shit, exactly, was being done, just to see the statue's penis get shot off. Also, the dude was like writing in a book or something.
What the fuck.
Perhaps Mury's notes were indeed in shorthand, and therefore there was not enough time there for Orca to run home, take a shit, etc, but there was enough time for him to walk out and stand next to the guy to try to read what he was writing.
Goddamn he had terrible handwriting.
Then the guy started shouting crazy shit again, this time aiming the gun at the statue's torso region. Apparently he hadn't noticed Orca standing next to him.
"Fuck yeah, shoot him!" said Orca excitedly, before remembering the guy had originally been shooting at him.
He used his cramazing super lycan speed and grabbed the gun away from the dude before breaking it in half with his cramazing super lycan strength. Since he really had no use for a broken metanitrocatalyzer, he cracked the guy over the head with it. Then he ran like hell, which is really fucking fast if you are a lycan with a crazy dude shooting at you.
Fuck yeah fuckin' lycan powers ho shit motherfucker
Teagan Offline: This board is full of nostalgia.
Aug 22, 2020 8:39:09 GMT -5
Missing the old MH: gotta say missing when MH and all that was around.
Nov 6, 2019 0:02:30 GMT -5
Willow_lazy: why tf are there 400 posts about adidas
Sept 6, 2018 17:35:57 GMT -5
Azrael: I'm not hard to find, since I'm the only one there who goes by "Azzy", I'm pretty sure. XD
Feb 10, 2018 16:44:41 GMT -5
Azrael: Dunno if anyone still pops by here from time to time, but if any of you mofos do and still feel like gettin' yo nerd on, I've been hanging around this here place a bunch recently: www.roleplayerguild.com/
Feb 10, 2018 16:44:10 GMT -5
Azrael: hold onto your pantaloons
Jul 25, 2016 5:16:43 GMT -5