Post by Selene Copperfield on Jul 6, 2012 23:21:56 GMT -5
"The beginning needs to lead to the end. It would be best if we do that in as believable a way as possible."
"I LOVE the Potterverse! The story just needs a bit of help is all" -Me, the Author of Heiress
Okay guys, listen up! I need some help with my Fan fiction. Serious flippin' help because I want to make this thing believable in the canon sense BUT have it's still remain AU. I need it to suspend your disbelief, but still end they way I need it to. PM me for the end if you want. I will try to keep the end simple, and not give away too many details, so you can still enjoy the process.
If you'd like to help PM or Skype me with your ideas. Anyone else, leave comments if you wanna.
I'd like to thank Morgan a player here at Firefox and Glen a writer friend for getting me to my new 5th chapter.
Heiress; A Fan Fiction of Books Three through Seven
Post by Selene Copperfield on Jul 6, 2012 23:35:53 GMT -5
Heiress; The Prologue
The parchment lay on Lupin's desk. He had already read its contents, his questions from last night having only increased by the words written there. He stared through the small note, not registering its slight blue tinge, wondering if he should even go to the meeting indicated therein. The all too familiar loopy handwriting read:
Dear Remus,
I have some matters I'd like to discuss with you. I would also like to introduce you to my granddaughter, Ashlee O'Conner. Kindly make your way up to my office at 7:00 am. Thank you again for taking the post this year, my friend.
Albus Dumbledore
The note didn't make much sense to Lupin; didn't Dumbledore know he was already acquainted with Miss O'Conner? He'd been there when they'd met after all. Although, now that he thought about it, it wasn't so much him being introduced to her, as she being introduced to him. Realizing this, he hoped nothing he did today would change their unique rapport. What if he said something wrong? What if he did something wrong? What if she became suspicious of him, would it change things?
All his worrying hadn't done him any favors; in fact he barely registered the knocking on his office door. When Lupin didn't answer, the person knocked again.
"Come-in" said Lupin in a rush, half hoping it was a student he could tell to come back another time. It was not a student however; it was Professor McGonagall. McGonagall took one look at his flushed face and seemed to deduce his trouble immediately.
"You've worked yourself up into a fine state, I see." She said briskly, closing the door behind her and then walking over to the table Lupin where was sitting. "It's no use worrying about what might be. Why, you haven't even met her yet and you're practically shaking like a leaf at the thought."
"I'm worried about saying something wrong, or doing something wrong," said Lupin, "We were so close in 5th year. I don't want to give anything away or be - "Lupin cleared his throat, "anything more than one of her teachers." McGonagall frowned, but it lacked her usual crispness.
"Remus, you're not an inappropriate man. Honestly, if Severus can teach the girl so can you!" Lupin looked up sharply at that, but saw in McGonagall's face she hadn't meant it as a criticism, but as the simple truth it was.
He sighed, "Perhaps I could, but all the same I am worried. What if I hint at things to come - without meaning to! What if I said something about the others and she remembered it and - things changed! I don't think I could bear a future darker than what is looming before us." Now McGonagall became her usual brisk self.
"Is that all? Well you can stop worrying about that. You've watched too many Muggle fye-fye movies, I'll bet-"
"Sci-Fi," said Lupin, smiling a bit.
"Yes, those," continued McGonagall, "they give you these silly notions about how time works. Time is not malleable, it is virtually unchangeable once those in the present have made a decision or carried out an action. In other words-" and she looked Lupin straight in the eye to make sure he understood, "- nothing you say or do now will change what she did or will do then. Believe me, if my telling her that now would've changed anything, I'd have told her just what I have told you before every single class she had with me."
Lupin was shocked, "That- that can't be!"
McGonagall looked dangerous. "You're going to believe a muggle movie over your own Transfiguration teacher? I suppose it wouldn't matter if I said Dumbledore told me exactly that before my first class with her, hmm?"
Lupin's eyes grew wider, then he sighed, but this time it was in a cleansing way, "Perhaps you're right, Minerva. I suppose my words were said in haste, and without thought, forgive me."
"It's alright, Remus," replied McGonagall, "There are times when even I wish it were that easy to change things. Unfortunately, as much as things could be improved upon, so much more could they be devastated. We really are very lucky that time works the way it does."
"Yes," said Lupin, and pushing his chair backward, got up to follow McGonagall to Professor Dumbledore's office.
Post by Lydia 'Dusty' Cole on Jul 10, 2012 15:42:25 GMT -5
Isn't Dumbledore gay, did he adopt Ashlee's parents?? and I don't really understand what McGonagall and Remus are talking about in general, like what he's so worried about
Post by Selene Copperfield on Jul 10, 2012 17:03:02 GMT -5
Actually, I made Dumbledore bi so that I could preserve his history with Grindelwald, as that is a pillar of any HP story. However I needed him to have a child also. It seemed a logical compromise to me.
Also they are talking about something that happened in the plot during Remus' 5th year. If you wish to PM me for spoilers I will be glad to tell you exactly what, either on here, or on the other site you know me from.
Post by Mayu Shiikawa on Jul 10, 2012 19:00:45 GMT -5
So, in my honest opinion, I think the characters feel a little off. It might be a little more stable if you had your own continuity to run.
Of course, I don't know shit about fanfics, so... Actually, I do know someone who reads a lot of MLP fanfics, he might be a good person to critique your fanfic. I can't tell if the problems are inherent to fanfics or not.
I could suggest that following continuity more closely, and not being so hung up on being Dumbledore's granddaughter might be better for your character. I would suggest, maybe, that Dumbledore's presence and use in other people's minds might overshadow your character a bit. Also, nerds are all about avoiding plot holes and sudden mood changes, unless they make a LOT of sense...
Post by Lydia 'Dusty' Cole on Jul 11, 2012 10:15:41 GMT -5
See, the thing is people shouldn't have to ask you for 'spoilers' persay, if it is important to us understanding the fic you should probably have it somewhat explained right here. If people don't understand what they're reading they have no reason to read further.
I also don't understand that reference to Severus. Is Minerva implying he's usually inappropriate?
Post by Selene Copperfield on Jul 11, 2012 13:18:06 GMT -5
Oh, thought you were from a site I'd advertised on.
As for telling you at the beginning what is going on, my writing teacher says that's not a good idea you should slip little bits of info in at a time. But meh;
Ashlee goes back in time in 5th year with a Timer Turner her mother invented. She gets sent back to the Marauders 5th year where they all meet for the first time. This is what Professor Lupin and McGonnagall are talking about.
Lupin is worried he will accidentally be too kind to her or give away some information because of what good friends they were back then. McGonnagall is saying Snape was friends with her too, and if he can teach her for so long and not give anything away so can Lupin.
Post by Lydia 'Dusty' Cole on Jul 11, 2012 13:40:32 GMT -5
I'm not saying you should do an information dump, but as of right now, without outside information from you I have literally no idea what is going on in the story. And there doesn't seem to be a reason to keep the reader in the dark. There's a difference in mystery / suspense writing and what you're doing. You could always give people information as it comes up. When Lupin mentions the 'unique rapport' you could elaborate on what that is. For the most part the story doesn't seem chronological. Shouldn't you start with her going back in time, rather than years later? Or is the time turner bit even relevant to the plot?
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